I Read the News Today Oh, Boy

Nevets and Roberto putting in long hours of research for the 5mTKO blogg and podd.

Nevets and Roberto putting in long hours of research for the 5mTKO blogg and podd.

It is the first work week of the 2013 Portland Timbers regular season, which means that your productivity will undoubtedly plummet with each passing hour. The big event each Tuesday is in the late afternoon when the injury report comes out and we learn which part of Jake Gleeson’s body is giving him trouble this week.

We’ll fret and stew about the health of our players until Friday when the injury report is updated at which time we can turn our attention to the official match preview which includes the names – but, sadly not the telephone numbers and home addresses – of the referees who will piss off Merritt Paulson this weekend. We’ll spend a few hours cyberstalking the referees, scanning Facebook pictures of their vacations at Disney World for signs that they favor the opposition (is he standing next to Thierry Henry?, nope, just Mickey Mouse) and reading countless Big Soccer threads about how pathetic every single MLS referee is and forever will be.

In between, we’ll read the reports from practice (example: Adieu, Frederic Piquionne) with bated breath, consume vast quantities of team propaganda, and scan the headlines from Botswana to Beaverton for news about our team.

Here is today’s sampling:

  • The smart piece in which we are reminded that Timbers veteran Kalif Alhassan is still just 22 years old and his time may be now or never. [Slide Rule Pass]
  • Is Nicolas Sarkozy our next trialist? He might be a little too right-side dominant. [The Axe]
  • The Swedish alliance includes many things but none of them involve horse meat meatballs from Ikea. [NASN Portland]
  • The boss at Wellington is out and that can only mean that Gavin Wilkinson should be a candidate to return to his native land where he can reunite with the Clan of the Hogg. [New Zealand Herald and Stuff.co.nz]
  • Kris Boyd is at his new team for 20 seconds and someone already brings up that fact he is a coach killer. Side Note: John Spencer to Killie [Scottish Sun]
  • Our centerback savior cements his legacy: “So I have rum on my mind, as well as football!” Hopefully he doesn’t have rum on the breath while playing football. [Tribal Football]
  •  A preview of all the teams the Timbers will look down upon from the top of the table. [Oregonlive Timbers Blog]
  • “Portland had one of the worst defenses in the league last season. This year, it could be worse.” Perhaps, although one does have to ask how many MLS team are effective at the counter attack. Bueller, Bueller… [Pro Soccer Talk]
  • Don’t throw beer on the pitch. What about pink pigs? [Timbers Army]
  • Players on other MLS teams would like to play in Portland. Can’t say I blame them. [Sports Illustrated]


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