Know thy Enemy: FC Dallas

If the managers were to brawl

RD-02366-Schellas-Hyndman-8-Set-Pieces-to-Score-516Before there was Caleb Porter there was Schellas Hyndman. The FC Dallas manager has been one of the rare examples of a manager who has successfully moved from the collegiate ranks to MLS. Interesting enough, but did you know that Hyndman is a fifth-degree black belt in Aiki Jujitsu and that he once fended off would be carjackers with the nunchucks he kept in his car? Don’t mess with Texas, Caleb.


Power Couple

tumblr_mby8rsJuTI1qm9bx6o1_500Defender Zach Lloyd has played every minute this season. But you don’t really care about that, do you? You want to know about the intimate details of his personal life. You want to know why you weren’t invited to his wedding when he married FC Kansas City’s Casey Nogueria whose father was a goalkeeper with the NASL’s Atlanta Chiefs and Montreal Maniac. Sorry you couldn’t make it. The cake was divine.



Remember when people used to do things like this with KFC?












Michel, my Belle

michelYou might remember Michel (or as I like to call him Michel Garbini Pereira) from the last time the Timbers played against FC Dallas. He’s the guy that Jack Jewsbury did an admirable job of shutting down on the left flank. The Brazilian has had a big impact this season in Dallas, especially on set pieces, which the Hoops get a lot of because of they are balance-challenged (Politically correct term for “divers”). Anyhoo, Michel strikes a mean dead ball so let’s not let that happen on Saturday.


Hope he kept the receipt


From the Denim Kit:

Eric Hassli has fallen head over boots in love with Vancouver and Canada. So much so, he’s made the ultimate commitment — ink. The Frenchman is a man of conviction, and trust.

“The maple leaves are because I landed in a country that agrees with me, and where I feel good,” he told theGlobe and Mail. “After 1 1/2 months of living here, I went and saw the tattoo artist and said: ‘Listen, I want Canadian maple leaves, and after that, you do what you want with the rest of the arm.’ It’s an homage. And it’s going to stay there the rest of my life.”

They don’t make mascots like they used to

FC Dallas mascot Hooper

FC Dallas mascot Hooper

Dallas Burn mascot Eslamico a Andaluz

Dallas Burn mascot Eslamico a Andaluz










5mTKO Beer Endorsement

revolverlogoIn doing the extensive research required for the Know thy Enemy series, I can’t help but notice that there are occasionally cultural differences between other cities and the People’s Republic of Portland. For example, I have a heard time imagining a brewery known as Revolver being met with much love by the community supported agriculture group in my neighborhood (they prefer bow hunting). Beer can be the great unifier, of course. So in the name of harmony and personhood, we are going with Revolver’s Blood and Honey American Wheat Ale for this week’s much coveted 5mTKO beer endorsement.

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